But I Got High
by Phorcys
Summary: What is Hagrid growing behind his hut? What is that cloud of smoke emerging from the Gryffindors common room. What are you doing? Read This!
1. Munchies

**But I Got High . . . .**

One Shot, unless anyone cares.

Disclaimer: If you can recognise it I do not own it.

ENJOY!

Thick clouds of aromatic smoke poured out of the Gryffindor common room,

" And you say you found it all behind Hagrid's hut."

"Yeah, I don't know what he uses for fertilizer but it was like ten meters tall. I thought I had died and gone to heaven." A particularly large cloud of smoke poured out of the room and past the open common room door.

"I wonder how many brain cells we're killing?"

"Who cares this is good shit."

"Who thought Hagrid would have it in him."

"Why do you think he's so happy all the time."

Another puff of smoke.

"You know I feel kind of hungry."

"Now you mention it so do I."

"Bags not going to kitchen."

"Wait I've got an idea, Hey Dobby, Dobby."

A little creature popped out of no where freaking out the students closest to it. "What could Dobby be getting Sir."

"Do you have any chips, or dip, you know snacks?"

"Oh Dobby is sorry Sir but all the elves have retired and there is no prepared food available. We have run out."

"Oh okay, bye Dobby. That sucks."

"Yeah, hey has anyone got anything in their rooms?" There are some mutterings and claims that they were going to stock up tomorrow. "Oh that is so not fair, I'm so hungry. "

"How about we go into town and get something from the pub."

"Oh a hamburger, I could cast an Avada Kadavera for a hamburger."

"With chips and chicken salt."

"Okay who wants to go into town and get something to eat." Another cloud of smoke eases out of the door into the hallway outside the common room.

"Hell yeah, but how are we going to get out of here?"

"Well I just happen to have this cloak, this cloak of invisibility and we can use that to get down to this tunnel that goes all the way to town."

"Oh Cool, but isn't that like against the rules."

"Fuck the rules, I'm hungry."

OOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo

A hasty five minutes later five people are standing outside the closed door of the Gryffindor common room.

"Okay have we got every thing, roach,"

"Check,"

"Bong."

"Check"

"Papers."

"Check"  
"Hagrid's happy weed."

"Check"

"Chibi -Usagi doll."

'Check, ahhh why have we got that?"

"Cause it's cute so we're all ready."

"Yes, we can now set off on our mighty quest to search out new and strange food groups to boldly go where no Gryffindor has gone before."

Five stoned people under an invisibility cloak does not make for a very secretive group. Giggles and a cloud of smoke followed them through the halls.

Suddenly down the hallway a cat could be heard. "Ahh Shit, shit, shit, everyone run."

"No wait, hide."

"Someone hide the dope."

"I can't they'll smell it."

"Eat it, eat it."

Mrs Norris came around the corner, and right up to the panicking stoners. "Wait I got an idea. Feed it too the cat."

"Are you sure?'

"Yeah sure, Filch will I'll never suspect."

"All of it?"

:"Maybe not try a little bit."

From the half invisible crowd of people a shaky stunning spell emerges from the smoke. Striking the screeching cat. "Okay cat down. Can you get her to eat?"

There are some mumblings and the weed is forced into the cats mouth a medical spell is used and it swallows.

"Wait guys we could be hurting the little pussy."

One of the group is leaning against the wall and hits a painting tilting it revealing a hidden passage.

"Hey I found the passage,"

"I knew it was around here. Drop the cat I think Filch is coming."

Filch appeared around the corner to an empty hall way except for his poor Mrs Norris who was laying on the ground all legs up in the air miaowing at something only she could see.

OOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo

"Hi, Hoe, Hi Hoe, It's off to work I go, I take a prick a to make a quid Hi Hoe, Hi Hoe."

"Dean stop singing,"

"I can't help I'm under ground in a tunnel. I fell like I should be singing."

"At least we're not in the alps somewhere."

"Can't you see me as a nun."

"Too easily mate."

"Hey do think anyone is following us?"

"No, we're perfectly safe, I can see the hamburger now, oozing sauce."

"No, there's someone following us."

"Oww it could be Voldemort. Voldemort could be following."

"Hey I wonder if he smokes?"

"That would explain the red eye."

"Ha Voldemort's a pot head."

"But if he smoked pot he wouldn't want to take over the world. It would be way to much effort."

"Maybe he doesn't have any more maybe he run out."

"Hey Harry, pot could be the power he knows not. That could be it."

"Yeah you could end the war with a bag of corn chips and a joint."

"You could change your name to the-boy-that-was-wasted."

"It would have to be a pretty big joint . . .Hey we're here."

Above his head a trap door lay and beyond was the munchies.

OOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo

Back at Hogwarts in the teachers lounge the staff settled back in their chairs and watched the muggles television set up by Dumbledore.

Spongebob Squarepants bounced around the screen his high pitched voice muffled in the smoke filled room. "I didn't think Sponges could talk."

Snape had his robe open and a big bag of hot chips lying on his stomach. "I think I know he's a magic sponge."

"Okay, that makes sense, could you pass the corn chips." Snape passed Dumbledore the bag.

McGonagall leant over Treveney who had collapsed and was giggling at something she could only see. Like usual really.

"Hey your hogging the onion rings." Pulling the bowl of fired treats toward her.

Hagrid who was sitting like a giant giggling mountain at the back of the room was playing with some strange creature he had in a sack. Every so often he would blow smoke from his pipe into the sack and the strange hissing coming from inside the sack would stop.

"Hagrid you made sure none of the students know about your garden plot?"

"No sir, no one knows."

Dumbledore smiled that was good, it didn't pay for any of the little bastards to get a hold of it. They may nick it all.

OOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo

A/N I liked the idea but if anyone wants touse it just tell me and I will happily pass it on.

No cats were harmed in the making of this fanfiction.

Please review.


	2. Dastardly Plot

But I got High.

Chapter Two

**The Dastardly Plot Continues . . . .**

I have a yahoogroup now, with my stories andotheritemsnot upon fanfictionjust goto:

http/ groups. yahoo. com/ groups/ Phorcysfanfiction.

Just remember to take out the spaces.

Disclaimer: Me: Poor, JKR: Rich see the difference.

There was frantic movement in the Gryffindor common room. Pillows were flung everywhere books and papers were on the floor as half the house were running around lost for words.

"Where was the last place you saw it?"

"Behind the red cushion on the couch."

"Why the hell did you leave it there?"

"I was stoned I didn't care."

"This is terrible, it's all gone."

A hysterical third year started hyperventilating.

A terrible tragedy had come to the great and noble house of Gryffindor all the weed was gone. There was not a single joint, bong, or bag of grass, in the entire Gryffindor tower. There had been much weeping and gnashing of teeth when this had been discovered.

"How am I going to get through Divination without a hit?"

"Divination, try sitting through Binns, sober."

"That was Hagrid's happy weed that went missing."

"How could they get all of it?"

"Has any one got any left in their personal stashes?"

"What about that stuff we gave to Mrs Norris maybe we can get it off her?"

There was hurried movement to the dorms as everyone went to check their 'special' places. A score of porn a dozen vibrators in various shapes and sizes and a multitude other 'items' but not a single leaf of dope.

Back in the common room everyone joined their fellow Gryffindor in despair.

Unbeknownst to then this was a common picture all over Hogwarts as both serious pot heads and the rest of the residents discovered that all the dope in the school was gone. It was as if someone had died in the corridors of the school that day. Strange conversations could be heard throughout Hogwarts.

And no one noticed the school getting messier and messier.

"I had this special plant I was growing in the glasshouses. I'd named it Bob. And it's gone too"

"Poor Neville."

"So everything's gone?'

"No I heard that Hagrid's patch is still there but someone's put up a shield so no one can go near it."

"I vote a kamikaze mission for the first years to take back Hagrid's hut, Whose with me?"

"All we need is a cattle prod, a whip, and enough first years to break the shields."

"I don't think the teachers will let us."

"Screw the teachers."

"What about the outside sources?"

"None of us can get to Hogsmeade until Friday. Life sucks."

Even the teachers had run out and having for the first time, for some of them to teach while not under the influence of drugs.

"Hey Binns is walking."

"But he's a ghost."

"No really I swear it he was walking around and solid."

"What I heard was that years ago he got a hold of this mega-weed and started floating and he never came down. Since then he smokes enough joints to double Jamaica gross national product. "

At Divination Trewlany was teaching her course with a clear mind for the first time.

"Okay so this is Divination."

"Yes, Miss."

"Cool that's like seeing into the future, crystal balls and stuff right."

"Yes Miss."

"And I teach this?"

"Yes, Miss."

"What the fuck was I smoking?"

In potions a strange sight could be seen, as Snape's paranoia reached an all time high.

"I can see you all staring at me. All your beady little eyes."

"Calm down Sir."

"I know your all after me, watching me."

"Sire."

"What do you want? What do you want?" He screamed.

"Sir, What are we doing today?" Was the very timid response from a first year Slytherine

After a very long day everyone had trooped into the dining hall. Snape was looking especially nasty with his medicinal herbs going missing. He only used it potions, he swore.

With a wave of his wand Dumbledore opened the meal like usual and nothing appeared. He tried again and this time a puff of smoke sat above the tables but no food. Snape started to sniff.

"I recognise that smell."

Several others in the hall also recognised the smell. Dumbledore who was looking decidedly happy, had been perfectly fine for the day as a lack of weed didn't worry him. He doesn't get red eye's.

"Harry could you and few of your friends go down to the kitchens and see what's keeping them?"

You never seen the boy that lived move so fast. Followed by a group of his fellow Gryffindors.

"You never suspect the elves."

"Sneaky little bastards."

"Look guys, I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation. Dobby wouldn't do anything wrong."

It didn't take them long to reach the main door through to the kitchens and all noticed the smoke easing under the door.

"It's just a fire in the kitchen."

"Yeah with our weed."

The angry wizards pushed open the door to a strange and mysterious sight.

Hogwarts house elves were all sitting around the kitchen tiny little bean bags and been found and were all filled by tiny little pot heads. Lying around them were the remains of what must have once been Hogwarts Breakfast, Lunch and Tea.

"Dobby, Dobby."

From out of the smoke a house elf emerged, his multi coloured clothing having the added addition of a little Rastafarian hat with dreadlocks.

"Yah Man, what's up?"

"Dobby, What happened?"

"Oh we're just chillin' man."

"Dobby what happened to the house elves?"

"Oh Mr Fred and Mr George showed us a new trick, man."

At the back of the crowd someone began to think.

"Aren't Fred and George the new suppliers in Hogemead?"

"Yeah, those dirty bastards."

"Dobby, I think it would be a good idea if you put all the grass back where you found it."

"But we smoked it all man."

There was a thud as someone at the back of the group fainted and no one caught them before they fell.

At the back of the kitchen a group of house elves started to sing.

"I was going to clean the boys dorm. . . but I got high. I was going to get up and wipe the walls down . . . . but I got high Now there's used tissues everywhere, and I know why . . .cause I got high, cause I got high. cause I got high. "

Authors Note

Another chapter I didn't think I had it in me.

Thanks heaps for the reviews it's been great.

Please review it will lead to inspiration and thus to another chapter.


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